Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST
by MARZ009J
Summary: Evelyn: For the safety and sanity of both humans and Autobots please read! XD ::Read the Family Bloodlines first so you guys won't be confused of who Evelyn is referring to, enjoy!::
1. Chapter 1

MarZ: Hey guys, I got an idea!

Ryou: By idea would that be bad or very bad?

MarZ: I'll give you the third option. Worst idea for the characters!

Evelyn: What? First the Q&A and now what?

MarZ: The guidelines~!

Evelyn: Oh sweet~!

MarZ: I know!

Angela: Honey what's going on here?

Evelyn: Just some OC to Author goody talk.

Angela: Oh really.

Evelyn: Yep! Hey MarZ let's get started!

MarZ: Okie Dokie! Oh and by the way. So sorry If this has similarities, I was inspired! And couldn't help but make this fic! I got Permission to do this!

Disclaimers I don't own transformers! Just the OCs and the plot.

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**Evelyn's Guideline when living in NEST**

#Rule #1: Never piss Mom (Angela) off.

(Golden rule you need to follow)

(Especially the guys, you want your manhood to survive?)

(She's got a new title.)

(The 'Sucker Puncher')

(I was laughing hard on my ass when Mom gave Dad (Optimus) her sucker punch on his face.)

#Rule #2: Do not steal my PJ animal suits then start showing around NEST members!

(Skids and Mudflap stole my bunny suit then started running around showing to everybody!)

(I was burying my face on Dad's hands.)

(He was just laughing rather than scolding the twins.)

(Dad!)

#Rule#3: No AFT grabbing!

(Yeah you heard me)

(Mom!)

(Dad!)

(Jazz!)

(Sides!)

#Rule#4: Never use my powerful puppy eyed look for stupid ideas.

(Sides and Sunny made a hologram of me doing the said look at Dad)

(Dad told me what the twins did.)

(I got pissed)

(I went inside the rec. room and saw two drunken Lambos.)

(I pictured them then printed it and posted in the wall with a writing 'Wanted')

(There's also a small note underneath)

('Twins hunting season, shoot at your spark's content')

#Rule#5: Do not watch the any horror film when Sunny is in the room.

(Me and Sides laughed so hard that Sunny screams like a femme)

(Sunny chased me around the base)

(After he beat Sides to bloody pulp)

Rule#6: Do not ask Mom about where sparklings come from

(Anna asked her while me, Mom and Sarah are talking)

(Mom said "the sparkling maker")

(Anna replied "Who's the sparkling maker?")

(Mom suddenly glitched out…Wow)

(Dad rushed in to take her to the med bay)

(I was just laughing hard)

(Sarah pinched my ear)

(OW)

#Rule# 7: When in the meeting with General Morshower set your ring tone to silent mode.

(I forgot about mine)

(When Dad was talking about a Decepticon in Canada my ring tone started up)

("CANADA!"Then the song 'Blame Canada' followed.)

(Everyone looked at me with me with narrow eyes and optics.)

(I smiled innocently and said "Whoops")

(Dad took my cell away)

(Dad and Mom was not amused)

(But Will and Epps were laughing hard on their asses)

#Rule#8: If you hear a loud explosion coming from Uncle Jack's lab ignore it.

(My curiosity kicked in)

(Dad almost had a spark attack when he saw me.)

(I did not notice my clothes were ripped and blood all over me)

(Well...it looks like blood...I think)

#Rule# 9: Just because I give Prowl a kiss on the cheek to make him glitch out doesn't mean it can also work on others.

(It actually started when I kept giving Prowl kisses on his cheek)

(He kept glitching out)

(Skids and Mudflap ran away from me while screaming 'bloody murder' when I said I was gonna give them a kiss on the cheek)

(Sunny also ran away)

(The new comers were alarmed)

(Some started to run away from me)

(Ironhide was alarmed)

(When I enter the shooting range he quickly darts off ignoring my presence)

(He almost had a spark attack when I said I would give him a kiss on the cheek)

(What is wrong with my kiss?)

(Dad comforted me)

(Thanks Dad)

(He glitch out when I kissed his cheek)

("Waaaaah! Mommy!" I ran away crying straight to Mom)

(Dad was only joking)

(Mom gave him a flurry sucker punches and kicks)

(I was also joking, but I didn't tell them that. ***snicker***)

#Rule# 10: Do not play the game 'Fatal Frame' when Sunny is around

(We already know what happens)

#Rule# 11: When you hear Mom's giggle and Dad's chuckle leave the vicinity fast.

(Blurr was passing by the wash racks until he heard Mom's giggle and stopped his tracks)

(Then followed by Dad's chuckle)

(Blurr's curious processors kicked in)

(His processors was scarred for life)

(He still couldn't look at them in the optics)

#Rule# 12: Stop calling me Jean Grey of the Autobots because I don't read minds and because I got powers!

(Jolt asked me if I could read his mind)

(He was disappointed when I said no)

(I was very disturbed)

(So was Blurr)

#Rule#13: And don't give me superhero codenames!

(Sides called me 'Spark girl')

(Sunny called me 'Demon witch')

(Jazz called me 'Baby psychic)

(Blurr named me 'Little Ms. Psycho')

(I gave them the taste of my middle finger)

#Rule# 14: Do not compete Mom's voice in a shouting contest.

(You will lose)

(Badly)

(Ratchet's audio receptors are broken)

(So was Uncle Hide)

(I laughed hard even though I was deaf for months)

#Rule# 15: Do not give bad comments or ugly comments on Mom's art works

(Simple question)

(Do you want to die early?)

#Rule# 16: If you want to ask me about my powers please hesitate to ask.

(I hate being blamed for it!)

(When Bluestreak asked what my powers are I simply wave my symbolic arm)

(Unfortunately my thoughts didn't go as planned)

(I was having two thoughts)

(One was creating a giant metal ball)

(Second was about boulders)

(A large metal boulder dropped above him)

(He was stuck in med bay for weeks)

(Ratchet blamed me)

(Hey it's not my fault I had another thought that was about boulder dropping)

(It was Blurr's!)

("No-it-wasn't!")

#Rule#17: Always be prepared when Mom and Chromia are in pissed off mode to run as fast as you can.

(Skids and Mudflap lost their servos)

(Jolt wasn't fast enough so he got plenty of dents on his helm)

(Blurr is stuck in med bay)

(Dad and Uncle Hide ran and hid in my room)

(Mom and Chromia found them.)

(What happened next?)

(Well...I'll only say this.)

(Primus have mercy on their souls)

#Rule# 18: Never drink my special strawberry milk shake.

(Ratchet almost had a spark attack at the ingredients in it)

(Red Alert fainted)

(I needed sugar!)

(Simmons accidentally drank it)

(He was twitching his eyes and was yelling 'Fuck' for 6 hours)

(Dad forbid me for making anymore)

(He changed his mind when I said "But that drink is part of my soul! I will forever be in despair if my strawberry milk shake and I were separated!")

#Rule# 19: Never add laxative at Galloway's coffee

(I sneakily put some on his coffee)

(While we were on the meeting, he ran straight towards the men's room while shouting "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" just when he was about to talk)

(I, Sam, Epps, and Will just laughed our asses off)

(Dad asked me what it was and what he meant by 'Fire in the hole')

(I told him "its better left unknown")

(Dad was still curious)

#Rule#20: This rule is for femmes and girls. Never point at random mechs or human males and shout 'Pervert!' then giggle loudly and insanely.

(I did that to Dad)

(He was shocked)

(I didn't notice Mom was in the room)

(Poor Dad)

(Dad wouldn't talk to me)

(Finally got him to when I told him that, I would protect him against Mom.)

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MarZ: Whew finally done! Readers I hope you'll like this! XD


	2. Chapter 2

Yay I'm back with my second list of rules!

I hope you guys enjoy this!

I would like to thank Tatyana Witwicky for giving me the inspiration and **permission to do this!** I totally flippin' love her!

Let the fun begin!

(X3)

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**Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST Chapter 2**

#Rule# 21: No more Limbo-ing

(Sam and I invited the bots to limbo-ing)

(Who knew that Dad, Ratchet and Uncle Hide could do the limbo)

(Sunny had an accident when he was going for the lowest part)

(We all heard a metal crack when he was halfway)

('Oh scrap')

(Sunny broke something and made him stuck in bending position)

(We all laughed at him)

(Ratchet was not amused)

#Rule# 22: Drinking my strawberry milk shake and energon cookie is a bad combination.

(Mom makes the best energon cookies)

(Dad agrees)

(I ate a dozen while drinking my milk shake)

(I was running around the base for 12 hours)

(I didn't even know that I was yelling a lot of swears and cusses on someone)

(And that someone is none other than…)

(Galloway)

(You have no idea what his face look like)

(Dad couldn't scold me)

(He was too busy laughing)

(So were Will and General Morshower)

#Rule# 23: If there is a Decepticon Attack never say the following:

(I had so much fun in this)

"Stop! Duck! And Roll!" (I shouted that then do the following) (Everyone stared at me) (I wasn't shock to see the Chevy twins do this.)

"Alright, here's the plan. We go out there stick our afts out then say 'Kiss my AFT!' Maybe they'll change their minds and retreat."(I said that while Dad was briefing the others) (Dad got upset and grounded me for a week)

"Raping them is the best way to make their processors hurt and scarring their lives. So go out there and be a rapist and make me proud!"(What can I say? my mind is turning green) (Everyone gave me stares again, Jazz and Blurr are laughing) (Ratchet asked me if I had too much sugar again) ("Maayybe...*slurrrp*")

"Why don't you use your kick ass powers while we're here relaxing?"(Sunny you jack ass)

"Let's use Spark girl!"(Sides I'm gonna kill you!)

"Why don't we give them Lyn?" "Yeah, she got more booties than we do."(Skids and Mudflap...I hate you two and everything you two stand for) (Dad and Mom released a very dark aura behind them)

"What if we throw in a pissed off Angela at them?" (Mom laughed at Jolt for a minute then she gave him a head lock.) (Surprisingly, it did happen. Mom rushed in at a group. Dad was amazed and shock at how Mom beaten a group of Decepticons with her own bare fists all on her own.) (Mom is so cool!)(And scary!)

(There's more to come…I can feel it in my gut…)

#Rule# 24: Never quote 'Whose Line'

(These kinds of rules are mostly ignored.)

"The other day I stole something, it really was a sin. It was a little revolver made of gelatin. It was a really bad idea, something I should have slept on. 'Cause I was arrested for carrying a congealed weapon. "(Sam what did you ate last night?) (Prowl glitched out while he was in the room with me and Sam)

"There's nothing like butt toast and head eggs!" (My morning lines) (Mom choked at drinking an energon from laughing) (She knew how much I like my eggs.) ("Just scrambled, thank you.")

"I love the Village People, they give me confidence. Even though I'm not too bright, I am rather dense. I have a fat, white body, and I don't have a tan. But when I put on leather pants, I am a Macho Man." (Leo was taken to the med bay to check up for mentality test)

"I love you, but I've had too many meatballs!" (Dad nearly choked on the energon drink when I said this)

(There's plenty more where that came from!)

#Rule# 25: Mom this is for you, stop yelling "Women need sex! Men only need places!"

(She likes Meg Ryan)

(Mom shouted this at Dad in the rec. room)

(You should've seen his face)

(I was just laughing)

#Rule# 26: Never hum Darth Vader's theme song when Ironhide is around.

(The Lambo twins hummed this when Uncle Hide enters the room)

(They were sent to the med bay)

(I also did hummed it when he enters the rec. room)

(Thankfully I have a teleportation skill to exit the room fast)

#Rule# 27: Quoting 'Star Wars' is now banned.

(Like I said before, these type of rule are mostly ignored)

"May the Force be with you." (I kept saying this before Dad and the others go out on the mission) (He asked me what the force was.)

"Wesa got a grand army. That's why you no liking us meesa thinks." (Ratchet took me in the med bay to check my sugar level)

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you" (Sunny and Sides were hiding in my room again)

"I am your father!" (Dad I love you!) (He made it better when he added the breathing of Darth Vader after the sentence.)

(More to come!)

#Rule# 28: Lady Gaga's songs are banned in base.

(Flareup needs to stop singing them and have better songs to listen!)

(Mom didn't follow this rule)

(Ironhide got a sucker puncher from her when he said those songs are stupid)

(Sometimes Uncle Hide really wants a taste of Mom's wrath)

(At least Dad doesn't have to taste them while I was around)

(Only if I was around)

(He even tried to call me to be in the same area as he is)

("Dad admit it...your scared of Mom")

(He still denies it)

#Rule# 29: Do not talk shit about Twilight whenever Mom, Mickaela, Maggie, and Sarah are around

(They're Twilight fans)

(I learned that the hard way)

(I said "That movie gave me a migraine of hell.")

(Ohh~ they got really upset)

(Mom grounded me for a month then took my laptop, DS, PSP, and cellphone away)

("NOOOoooo...")

#Rule# 30: Do not say this in front of Jazz "What's up nigger?" or anything that includes the word 'nigger' in the sentence

(I said this to him while we were in a date)

(He was offended)

(I didn't know he would get offended by calling him 'nigger'?)

(I guess I didn't have the right mind that time o.O)

#Rule# 31: Same goes for Blaster of the above rule.

#Rule# 32: The game twister is now banned

(The autobots are not as flexible as humans)

(I challenged Jazz and the Lambo twins on this)

(Sunny backed down)

(He said he didn't want that limbo accident happen again)

(After the game we had to take Jazz and Sides to the med bay)

(Ratchet was not pleased to see the two entangled and stuck)

(I feel sorry for Jazz)

(His head was stuck beside Sides' aft)

#Rule# 33: Juggling grenades is not a source of entertainment.

(I made a juggle show in the hangar)

(Mom and Dad just stood there watching stunned either by amazement or shock)

(Accidentally I pulled a pin on one of the grenades.)

(Will, being quick to the draw, grabs all of it and threw it on the empty area)

(Unfortunately, the said area was the door.)

(Guess who walked in?)

(Sides lost a leg)

(Uncle Hide hides all of the explosives away from me)

#Rule# 34: When hitching a ride with Dad, do not put your feet on his dash board, for your safety or his.

(I was feeling tired that time)

(All of a sudden there was a hologram spider beside me)

(I quickly open the door and jump out)

(He was still driving by the way)

(Dad almost had a spark attack)

(I was in the med bay for weeks)

#Rule# 35: Never explain the show 'Toy story' to the mechs

(My head was about to explode!)

(They kept asking me why are they alive)

(Uncle Jack was inspired and asks to make one of the toys)

(Dad and Ratchet said 'NO')

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Over! Hahaha! Hope you guys like this! Review okay!

Bye!

(^v^) V


	3. Chapter 3

Hi guys!

Here's list 3!

Have fun reading!

(XD)

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Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST Chapter 3

#Rule# 36: Never quote 'Austin Powers'

(Mom and I love this movie!)

"I'm going to eat you... I'm bigger than you are; I'm higher in the food chain... Get in my belly!" (I was holding a Subway sandwich and was inside Dad) (Dad was alarmed) (I can't help it I love subway!)

"I love gooooold" (I wonder what made Ultra Magnus love the movie) (Mike Myers? Or the Dutchman)

"Yeah Baby!" (Frag you Jazz in the berth!)

"Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass-cream" (All optics looked at Leo)

"Mole! Bloody mole! We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face. I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacaMOLE!" (Simmons drank my milk shake again)

(Who said that this was over?)

#Rule# 37: When watching a horror film, this list of bots must be present. Dad (Optimus), Prowl, and Ultra Magnus.

(They said that the violence and horror will corrupt our minds)

"Exorcism" (Bluestreak went into stasis when I was on the ceiling upside down with my super magnet shoes and made a screeching voice while my eyes are rolled upward)

"Jason X" (Uncle Hide activated the security level to red status after watching it with me) (I told him that Jason was not real) (Uncle Hide almost had a spark attack when he saw Will wearing a Jason costume while holding Anna in the halloween)

"Drag me to Hell" (I like that movie) (When you don't have Sunny around)

"Feast 1 & 2" (Ooooh major sweat drops in the area!) (I was laughing so hard when it comes to my Mom) (She said this to Dad "Look! Even the monsters like to have SEX! Why can't we do it 24/7!") (Major sweat drop for Dad there) (She was taken to the med bay for check up) (When it comes to her, she's always number one on the list of sex jokes)

"The Ring" (I scared Jazz on this one) (Jazz was in stasis after he screamed like a femme) (I was dripping wet from the rain and my hair was covering my face.)

(So far that's the only ones I know)

#Rule# 38: Never bring a rat, hamster, and cats in the base.

(Angelus had fun with the rats in the base)

(Uncle Hide was twitching his optics when he saw Angelus playing with the rats)

(Red Alert fainted when Angelus had a rat on his mouth plus blood dripping)

(I'm left to wonder as to why he likes to _play_ with rats)

#Rule# 39: If you value your mind then PLEASE! DO NOT GO IN THE ROOM WITHOUT KNOCKING!

(I went inside Dad's office without knocking)

(Mom and Dad looked at me wide optics)

(While on the desk)

(My mind was now scarred for life)

(Jolt went inside Ironhide's and Chromia's room)

(I haven't seen Jolt for weeks)

(Poor guy)

#Rule# 40: Do not make an ear piercing scream without a good reason

(The bots were deaf for weeks)

("Ooops...my bad")

("What!")

#Rule# 41: Do not quote 'Red vs. Blue'

(Again with the quote rule)

"I've got half a mind to kill you...and the other half agrees." (I really, REALLY! hate the Chevy twins)

"And if you say anything positive, I will, fucking! KILL all of us!" (I was so thankful that Ratchet had Mom sedated immediately) ("Alright who said her painting was ugly?") (No one confessed in the end)

"Wait, I know how to do this! Dearly beloved we are gathered here, today, to witness, the joining together of Angela, and Optimus, in eternalness together, smuh- speak now, or forever rest in peace! With liberty… and justice… for all. The end!" (This was on their actual wedding) (We had to beat up Sides to shut him up and let the priest continue)

"Sometimes I dream about my parents having sex and I get really, really aroused for some reason." (I did not notice that Mom and Dad are in the room) (I heard someone clears their voice) (When I turn around I saw Mom crossed arms while tapping her foot, Dad was releasing steam) ("…Teleport!")

"Simmons... if I die, I want you to have my strawberry milk shake" (Simmons replied "Evelyn my dear…I would rather die than take your milk sake.")

(I think that's all…for now)

#Rule# 42: Gambling in the base is now banned.

(My luck is very bad)

(I lost all of my energon cookies to Jazz and the Lambo twins)

(Arcee, Chromia, and Flareup won my box of fingernail paint.)

(I was so sad that day)

#Rule# 43: 'Fallout 3' is not allowed in the base

(Red Alert fainted when he saw me with my grinning face and laughter like a mad man)

(When I shot one of the raiders and blasted their heads)

(It is now banned in the base)

(Not in my room it ain't *snicker*)

#Rule# 44: Do not copy the voices of the bots.

(I made my own vocalize XD)

(I tried Uncle Hide's voice and sang this)

("Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are…")

(I was hiding under the couch in the rec. room)

(Uncle Hide, Ratchet, Prowl, Dad, and Ultra Magnus was there)

(They all looked at Uncle Hide)

(Ratchet took him to the med bay)

(I got out of the couch and was laughing before they left)

(Ratchet was not amused)

(So was Uncle Hide)

(And Dad)

(But Ultra Magnus was curious)

(Prowl glitched out)

#Rule# 45: Apply only a good amount of wax on the floor.

(I had fun watching the bots slide)

(I was standing at the hallway completely balanced with my skating shoes)

(I saw Dad walk out of his office)

(I tried to stop him but he didn't)

(He slipped and slides towards...)

(Ratchet who was about to enter the hallway)

(They crashed and most of all)

(They landed on top of each other while their lips are together)

(They still can't look at each other in the optics)

#Rule# 46: Do not use Jolt as a battery charger.

(I was curious that he could electrify)

(I ask Jolt to hold the plug of the my celphone charger)

(Then told him to electrify it)

(My celphone was charged in an instant)

(He was not amused)

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XD

List 3 done! I'm losing inspiration people help!

Please Review!

Bye!

V (^V^) V


	4. Chapter 4

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Woohoo! List 4!

Hope you guys like this!

Plus review! For inspiration and give me some ideas!

Love you guys! **I also got a permission to do this!**

**Thanks Tatyana Witwicky! Love ya!**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

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Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST

#Rule# 47: Pornography is banned in the base.

(All the cybertronian porns are gone)

(Thanks to Mom)

(She burned it all)

(Poor Will and Epps)

(Their mind were screwed when Will, Epps, and Uncle Hide found one)

(Chromia and I haven't seen Uncle Hide for months)

(Ewww...)

#Rule# 48: Stop touching Uncle Hide's cannons!

(I was hugging one of his cannons)

(When all of a sudden we heard a loud boom)

(I nearly lost an arm)

#Rule# 49: To the Autobots, never create a facebook, twitter, and my space account

(We're trying to keep a low profile here!)

(Hot Rod and Springer made one)

(Huge_Hot_Rods101 and Spring_breeze666)

(Their account names were disturbing)

#Rule# 50: All Beyonce songs are band

(Moonracer was listening to much to this)

(Mom again ignored this rule)

(Me and Dad had to offline our audio receptors when she sings)

(At least she doesn't have to get angry)

(As long as she doesn't know we're ignoring her)

#Rule# 51: Never talk to yourself when there are bots around

(You'll get a lot of stares)

(Ratchet will take you to the med bay)

#Rule# 52: Stop touching my swords!

(Like Uncle Hide, no one is allowed to touch my swords!)

(Leo almost lost a hand when he touched my long sword)

(Sam was almost cut in half when he touched my great sword)

(Angelus is now my guard dog)

#Rule# 53: Do not question Grandpa Jetfire's temper

(I was stuck listening his issues)

(Damn you Blurr!)

#Rule# 54: Do not say the swears and cusses coming from me, Sam, and Mom

"Motherfucker!" (Mom didn't saw the irony when she said this to Dad)

"Holy titty lickers"

"Pussy licker"

"Shitting man whore!"

"Bitch fucker"

"Dick head!" (Too bad Galloway didn't hear me)

(Too bad no one followed this rule)

#Rule# 55: Watch these list movies with supervision.

"SpongeBob Square Pants Movie" (Bee can't stop singing the goofy goobers song) (Anna kept saying she has mermaid magic) (After I made her a mermaid suit)

"Jackass the Movie" (Me, Sam, Leo did the water jet ski) (We were all sent to the med bay after we broke some bones) (Ratchet was totally not pleased)

"Hangover" (Who knew this actually happened to us) (We were having a party that time and got dead drunk) (We being me, Sam, Leo, and Glenn) (Sam got a blind date with a stripper) (Leo lost two of his teeth) (Glenn wasn't found after a week at Uncle Jack's lab) (Angelus got a Siberian Husky for a mate) (As for me) (Me and Jazz are spark mates now) (Dad beat him up again)

"The A-Team" (I've got a new slogan) ('There is no plan') (Dad...I love you and all...but I wanted to tear you apart!) (I've still the got the brains!) ("Only in pranks.") ("Dad your mean!")

(And a lot more!)

#Rule# 56: Never spike the autobots' energon drinks

(I have learned a valuable lesson)

(Sam added Wired Energy Drink on IronHide's energon drink)

(The whole base was shaking with explosives and swears are echoing)

(I added 6 Red Bulls on Dad's)

(I was washed with horror)

(He quickly grabs Mom's waist and ran towards his office)

(The next thing I knew)

(Their howls and moans are echoing the whole base)

(24 hours straight)

(Poor me, I fainted after the first hour)

#Rule# 57: When your in the shooting range with Uncle Hide, never do the following

(This is especially for the humans)

-Never poke Uncle Hide (He's a very violent mech when pissed) (But not as violent as Mom is)

-Never say "Is that it?" (He made me his target practice) (I was very paranoid the day after)

-Never dance beside him (Sam and Leo danced the robot beside him) (Wow I didn't know they could so fast when a big black scary mech with readied cannons aiming at them) (I said this to them "Too bad you don't have a Dimnesion Jump huh!") ("Shut up!")

-Never do the caramelldansen (He couldn't do anything when his little charge is in the area) (Anna and I are best friends)

-Never sing the jaws theme (Oh wait I think Ratchet would be best fitted with this theme) (When he enters the shooting range) (Uncle Hide had fun watching me being chased by Ratchet with his buzz saw) (But he wasn't laughing anymore when he was also being chased by Ratchet with a big wrench and was yelling) ("I'll reformat you two into toasters!")

(I was not forced to write this)

#Rule# 58: Never quote any Arnold Schwarzenegger's movies

(You gotta love his accent!)

"I'll be back." (Sunny you always are a loser and was born a loser when it comes to me in training) (He still kept saying it and always comes back for a rematch)

"It's not a tuma!" (Are you sure about that Ratchet?) (You'll never get Arnold's accent Ratchet)

"Get down!" (Uncle Hide will you please stop aiming at me while I'm fighting a Decepticon!)

"Now I want to ask you a bunch of questions, and I want to have them answered immediately." (Who ate my energon cookie!) (The Chevy twins entered the room while carrying my cookie jar) (They're still stuck in the ceiling)

"Hasta la vista...baby." (Oh my Primus!) (Did I just heard that from you Dad?) (It even gave Megatron a pair of wide optics staring at Dad) (I was just staring at Dad with my jaws open while my thumbs are up)

(I didn't know they could say it)

#Rule# 59: When going to the mall, never use Mom's and my credit cards

(Arcee came back with a lot of shopping bags)

(I asked her how she got the money)

(She said it's at my table)

(When I got back to my room my desk was filled with bills)

(I had to pay $40,000 for Arcee's goodies)

(I was sulking at the corner of the rec. room)

#Rule# 60: Never learn cybertronian language from any bots

(I can speak and understand cybertronian)

(But Sam and Leo was having a hard time)

(They couldn't pronounce one word in cybertronian)

('Ass')

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List 4 finish!

Hey I hope you guys like this! I also drew a cover for my fic!

The link is in my profile!

I'm having a hard time thinking of a great inspiration!

If you guys have any PM me!

Well see ya guys!

XD

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	5. Chapter 5

List 5! Enjoy you guys!

I have asked permission to do this!

I don't own transformers only the OCs and the plot!

Enjoy!

(^u^)V

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Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST

#Rule# 61: Never hold a drinking contest

(Uncle Hide is still cringing at that memory)

(Ratchet and Dad had a contest)

(I was amazed that it was a draw)

(Mom puts Dad in stasis when he pinched my aft)

(He got a nasty hangover the next day)

(And lost a servo)

#Rule# 62: Never quote the cartoon Invader Zim

(Leia and I love this show!)

"My walnuts!" (Sorry Mom) (Dad was a bit disturbed when I'm eating Mom's walnuts)

"Tell me a story about giant pigs!" (Uncle Hide didn't know what to say to Leia) ("How about cannons?") ("GIANT PIGS! GIANT PIGS!") (Uncle Hide was sent to the med bay) (He was deaf for a week)

"I HAVE A STOMACH!" (Everyone looks at me) (Ratchet took me to the med bay) (Again)

"It's not stupid, it's advanced!" (We still haven't found that robot monkey that Uncle Jack made) (He still kept saying it's advanced)

"Awwww, I wanted to explode." (Uncle Jack was somehow proud of me) (Dad almost had a spark attack when Leia and I shouted *BOOM* behind him)

#Rule# 63: Never keep saying 'Going.' over and over again beside any bot

(They twitch)

(They turn around)

(They glare at you)

(Then they send you to the med bay)

(But not me~ *snicker*)

#Rule# 64: Football is now banned in the base

(Its really fun playing the game)

(Its not fun being sent to the med bay)

(And its **DEFINITELY** not fun seeing flying wrenches towards you)

#Rule# 65: Never lick a lamppost in winter

(Leia and I nearly lost our tongues)

(Dad was not pleased)

(So was Ratchet)

(And Mom)

(But She said she's licked a _lamppost_)

(Dad chuckled)

("...AWKWARD!")

#Rule# 66: Never tinker with any of the bots' processors

(The Lambo twins did a _great_ job tinkering with Prowl)

(Prowl enters the rec. room while I pressed a button on a remote control for the TV)

(Then Prowl starts singing and dancing the song that Cartman sang in the south park at episode 1)

(We all saw him do that)

(I pressed the button again)

(Prowl became normal)

(We all heard Ratchet's voice at the end of the hall way and the twins defensive excuses)

#Rule# 67: Never play with super mighty glue

(I glued my shoes on the ceiling and was upside down)

(At the entrance of the rec. room)

(Bluestreak was in stasis for a month again)

(Jazz screamed like a femme before fainting)

(Sunny did too)

(So was Sides)

(And Hot Rod)

(And Jolt)

(And Blurr)

(I just watch the floor getting piled with fainted bots)

(Lastly Dad screamed and fainted)

(At least he screams like a real mech)

#Rule# 67: If Leia has gotten one of your valuable things, always have an energon cookie ready

(Ratchet had trouble dealing with Leia)

(She got one of his wrenches)

(Whenever he tried to snatch it Leia would start whimpering)

(I trade the wrench with an energon cookie)

(Leia happily grabs the cookie)

(Leia and I love energon cookies)

(Mom wondered why her box of freshly made energon cookies are missing)

#Rule# 68: Facebook is banned in the base

(It is very addicting)

(Victim no. 1)

(Me)

#Rule# 69: Whenever Simmons visit never shout "Semmens!"

(Sam and Leo broke a rib from laughing)

(While I was being sent to the med bay)

#Rule# 70: Do not scare Leia

(If Mom and I can make you deaf for weeks)

(What about my little sister?)

(Her crying and screaming echoed around the base making everyone deaf for weeks)

(Including me and Mom)

#Rule# 71: Never play with a shopping trolley

(I broke my nose on the metal floor)

(Leia broke her nose too)

(We were just laughing at our broken noses)

(Dad had _fun_ listening to Ratchet's lectures)

#Rule# 72: Never do or say the following on a Decepticon attack

"Quick! Let's give Leia as a sacrificial offering!" (Leia cried) (While me and Dad beat Sides to pieces)

"Where's the book 'How to survive a Decepticon attack.'!" (The bots all wondered where that book came from)

"What happened to the 'Rape them and scar them' plan?" (All of them looked at me again) (Not Jazz and Blurr) (They were too busy laughing) (While I was being checked by Ratchet in the med bay)

"BOOM!" (Some of the bots jumped when Leia shouted that)

"I don't wanna die as a virgin!" (Glenn we already know your a virgin) (So will you stop yelling that!)

"Let's use the universal sign of hate and anger *flips the bird*." (Oh Jolt) (If you really like to be in my list of friends) (Then stop being such a big pussy) (Of Dad's glare)

(How many times did I post this kind of rule?)

#Rule# 73: Please inform my Dad(Optimus), Prowl, or Ratchet that your going to bring fireworks in the base in New Year

(Sam and Leo brought two large boxes filled with fireworks)

(The Lambo twins sneakily grabs some fireworks and places it on Dad's chair)

(When I was passing through his office while carrying Leia we soon heard a loud explosion)

(Then we saw Dad walking out of his office while a smoke was coming out of it)

(He on the other hand was smoking and had black spots on his aft)

(Leia and I watched the Lambo twins dangling on the ceiling)

#Rule# 74: Never say 'I will go have sex with Megatron!'

(Do you have any idea how upset Dad was at me?)

(He grounded me for 2 months)

(As well as taking away my gadgets)

(Jazz you owe me big time!)

#Rule# 75: Shouting 'Decepticon attack!' is only allowed if there is actually one

(Leo was dumb enough to shout it around the base)

(Uncle Hide was alarmed and readied his cannons)

(He found out there were no Dececpticons)

(Uncle Hide got a new target practice)

#Rule# 76: Additional things to not do when your in the shooting range with Ironhide

-Never keep saying 'going and going' over and over again (I was again his target practice) (But this time he was using more weapons than last time) (I got my ass burned)

-Never stare at him for 10 seconds and shout 'Bazinga!' (Leo is the number one runner) (When he's dealing with cannons and missiles)

-Never say 'I can see my face!' (Sam said while he was looking at Uncle Hide's shiny aft) (Sam was in the med bay for weeks)

-Never sing the 'peanut butter jelly time' song (Uncle Hide couldn't look at me without twitching his optics)

-Never bring any food (Sam and Leo was watching him while eating burritos) (The shooting range was closed for weeks for removing the smell of human methane gas) (Uncle Hide ran outside and threw up on the hall)

-Never EVER bring and eat energon cookies (He was having a hard time aiming at his target) (Leia just enjoyed her cookie while Uncle Hide was exchanging looks on his target and the cookie) (He blew a hole in the wall again)

-Never shout 'I lost my twinkie!' (He just death glares at you for a few minutes) (Then he'll start chasing you around the base)

(This time I was forced to write this for the sake of the humans)

#Rule# 77: Watch what you say when Leia is around

(Dad almost had a spark attack when Leia said this to him)

("Daddy fragged Mommy.")

(Oh Leia)

(How true you are)

#Rule# 78: Never quote 'Big Bang Theory'

"I've spent the past three-and-a-half years staring at grease boards full of equations; before that, I spent four years working on my thesis; before that, I was in college; and before that, I was in the fifth grade." (Okay Sam you can stop bitching about your new sexual issues with Michaela)

"No, I'm going to ask him to choose between sex and HALO 3. As far as I know sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced weapons systems." (No wonder your still a virgin Leo) (You defy the Law of Sex and Pleasure)

"Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14, and I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to despite my 9 o'clock bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make papier-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava." (Dad was surprised that I was able to say that in one breathe) ("Beat that!") (Jazz tried) (He failed) (Epically)

"That is my spot. In an ever-changing world it is a simple point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function in a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be [0,0,0,0]." (Jazz don't you have a variety of positions?) (In the B-earth?) (Dad asked me what the B-earth is) (I face palmed)

"Oh Gravity, thou art a heartless bitch." (I had fun watching Dad tripped and tumbled) (His face landed on someone's aft) (He can't look at Ultra Magnus' optics) (Good thing I threw away the banana peel he stepped on before he could even notice I threw it on the floor when he was walking)

"You have about as much chance of going out with Flareup as the Hubble Telescope has of finding that at the center of each black hole there's a little man with a flashlight trying to find the circuit breaker." (Hot Rod quit being an ass on Blurr) (He's doing everything he can to get a date with Flareup) (And your ruining it!)

"Hello, Oompa Loompas of science!" (Ratchet and Red Alert death glared at me) (Uncle Jack didn't) (He was smiling) (I think)

"I'm not insane! My mother had me tested!" (Sam in what universe were you tested?)

(It ain't over until I say it's over!)

#Rule# 79: Watch this list of movies with supervision

"Road Trip" (Leia shouted 'boobies' in front of Dad and Will) (Dad grounded me for a month)

"Scary Movie" (Blurr was in stasis when I said "I see dead people.")

"Epic Movie" (The Chevy twins was sent in the med bay for a month when they called Mom the White Bitch) (Dad was laughing) (He was sent to the med bay along with his missing servos)

"Robin Hood" (Dad destroyed the TV when Mom said this dreamily "If only my husband was Russel Crowe.")

"The American Pie" (You know what) (I ain't gonna tell you what happened)

"Constantine" (Red Alert fainted when I was holding a dagger similar from the movie)

"Terminator" (Dad still hasn't let go of that quote) ("Hasta la vista...baby.") (Although he did sound awesome when he was about to shoot a Decepticon) (And Megatron was still shock)

"Sex and the City" (Mom and Sarah only watch this) (Dad now know why Mom is no. one on sex jokes) (He said he's not complaining)

(That's it...for now)

#Rule# 80: Truth or Dare is now banned in the base

(Dad's optics was still twitching when I dared him to pinch Grandpa Jetfire's aft)

(Otherwise, he would answer what porn is)

(In front of Leia)

(Dad was stuck at Grandpa's rambling issues)

(As well as not looking directly in the optics)

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Yay it's done!

I would like to thank for those who gave me inspirations!

Thanks guys you helped me a lot!

I would also like to thank my Best friend Ryou!

We're currently doing another transfic! Chapter one's almost finished!

Thanks for reading! And hopefully I got more inspirations from you guys! So PM me! Hope you also enjoyed this and don't forget to Review!


	6. Chapter 6

I totally forgot bout this! Here's the new list of rules! Yay! Hope you enjoy this!

Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST CH6

#Rule# 81: Never point others for your mistakes

(Leia always points at Bee when she broke something important)

(Or if she did something wrong on some bots)

(Poor Bee)

(I guess she also have my powerful puppy eyed look XD)

#Rule# 82: Never quote Whose Line

(I never said this rule was being followed)

"Hello, I have nothing to say." (Leia I'm so proud of you!) (You glitched Prowl again! )

"If it was meat, it'd be hard to fit it into the machine!" (Leia and I almost got exploded by the microwave) (Thankfully Dad was there to the rescue and scooped us up) (Although he had to be rushed to the med bay) (He got his muscle cables melted making his optics twitch nonstop from the exploding microwave) (Microwaves are now banned) (My hot pockets!)

"I love our banter" (Uncle Roy and Mom) (Mom just death glares her cousin)

"She was a man!" (I shouted that to Dad while pointing at Mom) (I didn't think that Dad would fall into stasis for a week) (Mom couldn't try to kill me) (She was too busy laughing) (I wonder what Dad was thinking 0_0'')

"It all seemed too easy. Way too easy. That's when he did something totally unexpected. Something so crazy and wild it took me totally by surprise. Even though it was kind of funny, it still was really weird." (I said that before Sides tripped on one of Leia's toys) (Leia's toys are like a mine field in the rec. room) (Sides got sent to the med bay because he got most of Leia's Lego pieces stuck on his joints)

"I just can't take my eyes off of this!" (Sure whatever Amanda) (You just love watching Ratchet's aft)

(Go me for writing!)

#Rule# 83: Never force the bots to sing

(I do not want to hear the Chevy twins sing!)

("Hey Lyn-Lyn we got a song fo' ya!")

("Frag NO!")

#Rule# 84: Never drink milk and spurt it out of your nostrils.

(Red Alert fainted)

(Dad and Ratchet almost threw up when they saw my nose and mouth was dripping with milk)

(Amanda also did this)

(Ratchet finally threw up)

#Rule# 85: Never spike Simmon's coffee

(Me, Sam, and Leo had fun with this)

(Sam added food coloring on Simmons coffee)

(Dad and Ultra Magnus looked alerted when they saw his green tongue)

(Leo added my milk shake)

(Simmons alerted everyone in the base for 24 hours)

(I added laxative on his coffee)

(Dad still asked me what 'fire in the hole' means)

(I didn't tell him so he was still curious)

(But sometimes curiosity would be bad for you)

(Mom explains it to him in her own version)

("It's like a sparkling coming out of your aft.")

(Dad was in stasis)

(Me and Mom are laughing hard)

#Rule# 86: Before going to a toy or comic convention, please inform this list of bots. Dad(Opyimus), Ultra Magnus, Prowl, Ratchet

(Red alert and Ratchet fainted when they saw Sam in a zombie make up)

(Dad scolded me for wearing my Felicia costume)

(Jazz was enjoying his view)

(Prowl glitched out)

(Again)

#Rule# 87: Never say "I need food, my pet tapeworm is very hungry." and then make a loud gurgling sound

(Dad rushed me to the med bay)

(Red Alert fainted again)

(Ratchet and Dad was totally not pleased when they found out I didn't have any tapeworm)

(First Aid made a 'Tapeworm check up day' every month)

(Amanda glared at me)

#Rule# 88: Leaf blowers are not toys

(Sam and I were playing with leaf blowers)

(Until we got bored with it)

(Then Sam got an idea)

(I broke Dad's optic)

(The tennis ball shot straight towards his optics when he entered the room after I pressed the ON button)

("Sorry Dad")

#Rule# 89: Never say "Are we there yet?" over and over again

(Leia kept saying that to Dad when he was giving us a ride)

(Dad couldn't scold Leia)

(Its like a high pitched cry point blank on your audio receptors)

(I couldn't do anything)

(I was too busy laughing my ass off! XD)

#Rule# 90: Do not say "Someone made a toaster bomb."

(All toaster are must be checked by Wheeljack)

(Uncle Roy said that)

(Mom, Ratchet, and Ironhide are still searching for him)

(Even Hound couldn't track him)

#Rule# 91: "Nanananana Trojan Man!" is banned in the base.

(Amanda and I are best cousins)

#Rule# 92: Never quote coming from me, Mom, Roy and Amanda.

"I think I my water broke." (Amanda was sent to the med bay) (Ratchet wasn't pleased)

"My hentai senses are tingling." (Dad couldn't help looking away from Mom's polished and shiny aft)

"He's got a boner!" (Amanda your making my life a living hell!) (Leia is just beside me!) ("Lyn-Lyn what's a boner?") (For the first time in my life) (I glitched out)

"Holy caboodles!" (Uncle Roy just loves pranking Mom) ("Bye cousin!") (He quickly dodges Mom's whip and disappears for days)

"It's called the 'Cybertronian play rod'." (Mom we don't need the nicknames of Dad's anatomy!) (You glitched him again see!)

"Aaaah the sweet scent of mating season." (Mom, Amanda, please don't drag me to your schemes of raping Dad and Ratchet) (I have my own to Jazz) ("Really?" Jazz looks at me) (-_-")

"You giant piece of horndog!" (That was Mom)

(Most of them came from Mom and Amanda)

#Rule# 93: Never call Mom her high school nickname "Gigi"

(You are a dead man or bot)

(Uncle Roy is still on her death list)

#Rule# 94: Never quote 'Ace Ventura'

(Me and Amanda loves this movie)

"Holy testicle Tuesday!" (Amanda shouted that when she saw Ratchet's shiny aft) (What is it with her and Mom looking at their mate's aft?)

"Yes Satan?" (Unlce Roy is just awesome at times) (Mom just gave him a death glare) ("Exit stage left!") (Mom was chasing him around the base for hours) (Even days) (Dad was amazed)

"Do not go in there! Whooo!" (Uncle Roy strikes again) (He painted Sunny pink) (Now Uncle Roy is in Sunny's 'To prank' list) (Not surprised to see him no. 1 there)

(There are more to come)

#Rule# 95: Never challenge Uncle Roy in the game 'Mario Kart'

(You will lose)

(Epically)

(I still haven't beaten him yet)

("Don't worry my wonderful niece! You will soon beat me when I'm dead!")

(-_-")

Hey guys thanks for reviewing hope you enjoyed this! Please send me some ideas so I'll be able to speed this up! XD Please REVIEW!


	7. Chapter 7

Hi guys! Here's another list of rules! X3 enjoy!

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Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST CH 7

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#Rule# 96: Stop making fun of Peaches name!

(Uncle Roy is a very DEAD man)

(Mom and Peaches are looking for him)

(They had to drag Hound to track him again)

(So far it's been a month since Uncle Roy disappeared)

#Rule# 97: Never ever explain the Magic School Bus books/TV series to the Autobots!

(Annabelle and Leia love to watch those videos)

(Several mechs crashed)

(Peaches won't stop singing the theme song when she's alone)

(Amanda joined her)

(Both actually passed the last mental evaluation that Ratchet made them take)

#Rule# 98: Just because Peaches is a Pretender does not mean you are allowed to "do it with her without consequences".

(Leo and Miles, this especially means you!)

(You too Uncle Roy!)

(And if she doesn't get you, her sparkmate will...)

#Rule# 99: Don't be the cause of every one of these rules Peaches!

(Seriously, don't!)

#Rule# 100: Never quote "Ace Ventura"

(Somehow every time I post a rule like this people are adding more)

"Spank you, Helpy Helperton." (Amanda and Sam) (She gave him a condom) (*snicker*)

"This is a lovely room of death. Take care, now. Bye-bye, then." (Uncle Roy and Mom) (Again)

"Listen, pet dick. How would you like for me to make your life a living hell?" (Mom threatening Uncle Roy) (He simply replied) ("I'd like to see you try!")

"Excuse me. I'd like to "ass" you a few questions." (Dad I was just joking!) (I got scolded for a week)

"That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs." (What personal affairs Blurr?)

"Warning. Assholes are closer than they appear!" (Ultra Magnus couldn't stop laughing when I said that when Galloway was walking towards us) (Dad didn't get it) (Ultra Magnus and I are best buddies now)

(Prowl forced me to write this T_T)

#Rule# 101: MMO games are now banned in the base

(Dad's character died multiple times)

(By a cute fluffy rabbit)

(Ratchet and Uncle Hide wouldn't stop laughing their afts off)

(Dad forced me to write this)

(I blame him for this rule!)

#Rule# 102: Never give the bot's anatomies nicknames

(Seriously, don't!)

(Mom and Amanda are killing my processors for Dad's and Ratchet's so called 'Cybertronian play rod')

(What's worse the said mechs are chuckling)

(Ewwww!)

#Rule# 103: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF PRIMUS OR WHATEVER! DO NOT ENTER THE ROOM WITHOUT KNOCKING!

(I didn't know Ratchet had it in him)

(Ratchet and Amanda threw wrenches at me)

(Jazz lost his servos when he entered Dad's office)

(I was surprise to see his interface unit still intact)

#Rule# 104: Never point others and shout 'Traitor'

(Sam and I did this for fun)

(Then Leo joined in)

(So far the people in the list of traitors are)

"Uncle Roy" (Not surprise to see him there)

"Angela" (I saw Sam lying on the floor beaten up)

"Bumblebee" (Actually Leia also joined us) (Poor Bee)

"Sideswipe" (Leia also pointed him) (It was fun seeing Sides running away from Leia)

"Ratchet" (Amanda also joined) (Ratchet glared at her)

"Ironhide" (Leo could go to a marathon)

"Optimus" (Leia Dad didn't do anything) ("He did something naughty to Mom!" Leia shouted) (Dad sweat dropped while Leia was pouting)

(And others but Leia mostly pointed them)

(She's one helluva pointer)

#Rule# 105: Never say the following randomly:

"Can't talk, too busy killing people!" (I was playing No More Heroes that time) (The look of utter shock planted on Dad's face was hilarious)

"Something is tingling in my loins!" (Ewwww Sam that's gross!)

"I see a dead bot walking." (Everyone stared at me) (Ratchet had me taken a mentality test) (I shockingly passed!) (Even Ratchet was shock)

"Beam me up Scottie!" (Jazz you aft head I will not teleport you out of Dad's office)

"I roll for a spot check!" (Leo life is not Dungeons and Dragons) (Although I did laugh to see him tripping while I said "You failed a balance check")

(And more!)

#Rule# 106: Dungeon and Dragons is strictly prohibited in the base.

(Prowl and Dad forced me to write this)

(Sam, Leo, and Glenn wouldn't stop saying "I roll for a spot, listen, search, and etc. skill checks!)

(Even I got affected)

("I roll for a sanity check!")

#Rule# 107: Always think that we Autobots are bigger than the humans.

(I almost squished Amanda)

(Thankfully her ear piercing scream made me notice her)

#Rule# 108: Always keep the popcorn machine lid closed when making popcorns

(Me and my cousin Amanda had fun swimming in the white sea of popcorn at the rec. room)

(Even Angelus joined us)

(We didn't notice that Simmons is already drowning in the sea of popcorn)

(Dad only stared at me swimming in the white sea)

(And also eating some popcorns)

("Yummy!")

#Rule# 109: Never show the bots 2 girls 1 cup, 2 girls 1 finger, and others

(The Lambo twins threw up)

(So did Ratchet)

(And Uncle Hide)

(And Dad)

(Jolt was in stasis for months)

#Rule# 110: Never also show them the show 1000 ways to die

(All the bots was shock when they see me eating a carrot stick)

(Even Mom ate a carrot stick)

(Dad went into stasis for 2 months when he saw Leia putting a carrot in her mouth)

#Rule# 111: Russian roulette is a big No-No!

(Mom and Dad almost had a spark attack when I pointed a gun on my head)

(Red Alert fainted again when he saw Sam pointed the gun on his temple)

#Rule# 112: When in Ratchet's med bay do not do or say the following

(Ratchet forced me to write this rule)

-Never touch his wrenches or tools (I could lose some pounds from running away from an angry medic with a big wrench)

-Do what Ratchet says (Seriously, just do what he says)

-Never say "Eeeeeh~ what's up doc?" (He looks pissy)

-Never poke him while he's at work (Not only is he gonna wack you) (But his patient is also gonna blast you to bits) ("Sorry Hide.")

-Never say "Hello Oompa loompa's of science!" (I saw Blurr's servo flying)

-Never EVER call him "Watchet." (Only Leia is permitted to call him that) (Not you Sides and you too Sunny) (Although I did enjoy seeing their afts being wielded at the ceiling)

(My processors hurt -_-")

#Rule# 113: Never say 'Bow chika wow wow' whenever Mom enters the room

(Dad is only allowed to say this)

(Jolt said this to her)

(The next thing I saw is him lying at the floor while his aft got whiplash marks)

#Rule# 114: Never mention the times when Mom got really drunk

(For the sake of Hot Rod's interface unit, please don't)

(When Mom was drunk she would usually hit her face on a metal wall)

(Or trip and face plant on the floor)

(Then she would start preaching about her sexual life)

(I can only laugh my ass off)

(Dad did too but ended when he felt his aft being whipped)

(Mom is very dangerous when she has her whip and drunk)

#Rule# 115: Shurikens are not a source of entertainment

(Sam accidentally threw it on Uncle Hide's aft)

(He and Leo could totally join the marathon)

(I also threw one at a target on the wall)

(But it went straight for Ratchet's aft)

(Thank Primus for my teleportation skill)

(Otherwise I would have lost a servo or two)

(Like Blurr)

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Yay another list is done! XD Hope you guys enjoyed it! Please give me some more ideas so my inspiration will kick in! Thanks for reading! X3 oh and also I would like to thank **Miscrazyaboutfanfics! **The rules 97-99 came from her! Thanks!


	8. Chapter 8

Hi guys! Here's another list of rules! X3 enjoy! My muse got up and so here it is! Yay! I would like to thank **ChocoKoko, MISCrazyaboutfanfics and JonasGirl80** for some of the rules. I got inspired when I watched Epic Meal Time on youtube as well their suggestions. Hope you guys like it!

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Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST CH 8

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#Rule# 116: Do not watch Epic Meal Time when the following mechs are around. **Ratchet, Red Alert, First Aid, and Dad (Optimus)**

(Results are)

(A very twitchy Ratchet)

(A fainted Red Alert and First Aid on the floor)

(And a very twitchy and displeased Optimus Prime glaring at you)

(Lasagna is never to be made except on occasions)

("NOOOOOOOOooooo!")

(Mom loves lasagna so much)

#Rule# 117: Stop saying "I'm Batman"

(I regret doing that to Jolt)

("Hey Lyn! I'm Batman!")

(Painkillers please)

#Rule# 118: 'Yo momma' is forever banned in the base

(No one wanted to try it out on me after what happened to Jazz)

(Mom has upgraded her electric whip)

#Rule# 118: "Thou shall not fap!"

(Ultra Magnus glared at me)

#Rule# 119: Never say 'Dibs on the cannons!' on Ironhide

("What do you mean ribs on the cannons?")

(Face palm)

#Rule# 120: Never picture Dad's face palm and add 'Epic Fail' then use it whenever someone fails.

(Dad is not pleased at this)

(Mom got turned on)

(Ewww...)

#Rule# 121: Do not make a replica of the Allspark

(Dad was TOTALLY not pleased to realize it was a fake)

(Especially Uncle Megsy)

#Rule# 122: Make a lot of nicknames for Megatron when facing him

(Do this IF Starscream and the other Decepticons are around him)

(Because if you do, they'll laugh at him and pray to Primus that he will retreat)

(A pissed off Megatron is a very **BAD** Megatron)

(Especially when he is lunging towards you)

#Rule# 123: Never tweak the bot's vocalizers

(We replaced the bot's swear words with the sound of a crow)

(We heard a lot of *ka-kaws* in the med bay and the shooting range)

(Even Dad's office)

(*ka-kaw*)

#Rule# 124: Never put a roasted bunny in a roasted turkey and wrapped it with bacon on Thanksgivings Day

(Dad is now curious about the reproduction cycle of the bunnies)

("We birth this baby rabbit bastard son of a turkey.")

#Rule# 125: Because of the above rule, saying "We eat all our babies" randomly is prohibited

(Red Alert has sealed the nursery room)

(Mom and Amanda gave Leo a lot of bruises)

#Rule# 126: Never quote 'Epic Meal Time' randomly

"What you doing? Hating? Stop hating! Plan your own bacon!" (I made Blurr cry) (Flareup glared at me)

"Tastes like crazy alcohol rainbow pig" (Ratchet took away my energon cookies) ("NOOOOO!")

"drip-drop-drippin" (Jazz)

"Gay bacon strips!" (Sunny glared at Sides)

"WWW DOT NETFLIX DOT COM SLASH BACON!" (Ratchet told everyone in the whole base not to go to that site) (Or else wrenches will soar the skies again) (Ratchet has First Aid now)

"I love eating a turtle!" (Uncle Roy is now in Red Alert's traitors' list)

"Where you at hater? You're in the bathtub looking at your daddy's dick!" (I swear, Amanda is so awesome at times) (Dad thought I was doing that to him) (He couldn't look at me in the optics without twitching violently)

"Bacon mouth sex." (Sam and Leo)

"Lambs chop slay-a-long." (Red Alert took away all the lamb chops)

(The medibots forced me to write this)

#Rule# 127: Don't call Koko anything related to 'shortie'

(Mom meant it as a playful jab)

(Unfortunately, the only thing Koko takes seriously is her height)

('Hide also said this)

(Try to guess the outcome)

(My ears...ow)

#Rule# 128: Mom and Amanda this is for you, please do not say ANY sex jokes when Koko is nearby or in the base

(Again, with the cybertronian play rod!)

(Koko didn't get it)

(Until she saw Dad and Ratchet)

(She was immediately admitted to the med bay)

#Rule# 129: The song "Please Don't Stop the Music" by Rihanna is banned

(Mom has an exception on this rule)

(Don't ask)

#Rule# 130: Never EVER hold an American Idol contest in the base

(Certain bots are bad singers)

(We're still replacing the windows that the chevy twins broke when they sang)

#Rule# 131: Never quote Napoleon Dynamite

(Please for the love of Primus follow this rule!)

"Nunchaku skills... bowhunting skills... computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!" (Yeah, your only skill Sam, is screaming like a femme)

"Amanda, you fat lard! Come get some dinner! Amanda, eat. Eat the food. EAT THE FOOD!" (I think I scared Ratchet)

"Leia, come get some ham!" (Mom swatted my head) (Hard) (Ow)

"Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys." (Jazz and I glared at Sideswipe)

"I love the way your sandy hair floats in the air... To me it's like a lullaby... I'm just flying by...Oh so high... like a kite... tied to a stake." (Ironhide and Chromia) (Poetry is not in Chromia's dictionary) (she likes action)

"Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever... We met in a chat room, now our love can fully bloom... Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make me "salivate"... Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But I still love technology... Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to Heaven above... always and forever, always and forever... Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever..." (Dad singing to Mom) (Leia and I made an "Awwwww~" sound) (Mom threw a shoe at me)

"Bow to your sensei. BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!" (Sides and Sunny)

"Back in '82, I used to be able to toss a pigskin a quarter mile." (Uncle Roy) ("You should have been dead from swine flu by now.") (Mom said that)

#Rule# 132: Never do or say the following when going in Mom's workshop.

-Never call her "Gigi" (Seriously don't)

-Never say her artworks are ugly and dumb (Say goodbye to your interface unit)

-Do not TOUCH her tools (Do not forget that she has upgrades now)

-If she threw her paint on the wall, leave immediately (Servos will fly)

-Do not greet her while she is working, only do it after she notices you by standng beside her (Dad walked out of her workshop with a lot of dents and paints around his armor)

(Mom may be nice and caring, but when she is pissed, get ready to run for your life)

* * *

**Finished! That's all I know for now! Next time I'll try to make it more longer! Bye now and please don't forget to REVIEW! X3**


	9. Chapter 9

Hi guys! Here's another list of rules! X3 enjoy! My muse got up ONCE AGAIN and so here it is! Yay! I would like to thank **ChocoKoko and JonasGirl80** for some of the rules.

* * *

Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST CH 9

* * *

#Rule# 133: Keep away from Leia if she has her thumb up

(My little sister has a knack for thumbing your aft)

(Literally)

(Don't believe me?)

(Ask Lennox)

#Rule# 134: Don't say 'I told you so' to Amanda when she tripped

(Amanda's been watching too much WWE)

(She gave Epps the master headlock)

(He's lucky she didn't gave him the ankle lock)

#Rule# 135: If you see a cheese hanging in the ceiling, DO NOT TOUCH IT!

(The base is still infested with rats)

(Don't ask how)

(Sunstreaker made some rat traps)

(Cybertronian sized rat traps)

(Not to mention that some people are addicted to cheeze)

("I thought it was cheddar!")

(Nope, you're just stupid Leo)

#Rule# 136: The bots' holoforms can still feel

(Leia kicked Bumblebee's holoform)

(Right in the nuts)

#Rule# 137: Do not eat Doritos when Leia is nearby

(She will think of it as Starscream)

(Leia can bite really hard)

(Epps still has bite marks and bandages around his legs)

#Rule# 138: Never quote 'Evil Dead'

"First you want to kill me, now you want to kiss me?" (Dad) (I heard him said that after Mom cooled off)

"Good, bad... I'm the guy with the gun." (Ironhide that was awesome!)

"They live, they breathe, they SUCK." (The Chevy twins' new slogan)

"Give me some sugar baby." (Oh Jazz you're so naughty!) ("Ah know right?")

"This. Is. My. BOOMSTICK!" (Chromia)

(Did I mention that Sunny couldn't watch this?)

#Rule# 139: Never put a banner that says "Virginity is the cause of insanity."

(Red Alert had lots of dents while he was lying on the floor)

(The look of utter shock on Inferno's face was so priceless!)

(Red told the virgin soldiers in the base to lose their virginity)

(Even Arcee and Flareup)

(Poor Red)

#Rule# 140: Never show Red Alert the 80's commercial of Pop Tarts'

(Red Alert took them away)

(He said that they were too dangerous because of highly explosive radiating ingredients)

(Amanda and I were in emo mode for a month)

#Rule# 141: Never make fun of Koko's chinese side

(She takes full pride of her...Asianess)

(Chevy twins made fun of it)

(She screeched and cried)

(Very loudly)

(I always wonder if she really is a teenager)

(Then again I may be wrong about it)

#Rule# 142: Do not PISS me and Koko off

(If you did piss us off)

(Pray to Primus)

(That we won't find you)

#Rule# 143: This is for you Bee, stop playing the song 'Friday' and put it in repeat!

(I can't believe you kept playing that blasted song over and over again!)

(Look what you did to Sam!)

("Eve...can I borrow Jazz for while...?")

#Rule# 144: Do not say "Bros before Hoes!" around Dad (Optimus)

(Ultra Magnus told that to Dad)

(Dad almost chocked on his energon drink)

(I would never have thought that he would scream like a femme)

#Rule# 145: Electric eels are never to be brought in the base

(Wheeljack brought some and puts it in the bucket with water for his experiment)

(Dad suddenly bumped into him when they were walking in the hallway)

(The bucket of water with electric eels got dumped on his back)

(The eels got in his armor slipping into his muscle cables and joints)

(The next thing he knew)

(*BZZZZZT*)

(Dad will never think twice of slicing you to bits if you brought eels)

(Yes Jolt, that means you should stick on turtles)

#Rule# 146: Same goes with fake eels

(Though you could tell him that you're going to throw it on the Decepticons)

(If he believes you that is)

#Rule# 147: Never encourage the Chevy twins to be more manly

(Those two do not have any decency at all)

(They will only remove their interface plating and walk around the base to show off their 'cybertronian play rods')

(I pretty much covered Leia's optics the whole day)

(Koko fainted and was taken to the med bay)

(But I did laughed at what one of the female soldiers said)

("Those look more like kiddy sized hotdogs than regular hotdogs.")

(At least they still have a purpose in life)

#Rule# 148: Stop playing any of the bots' names

(But it was fun)

("Oooooptiiiimuuuzzzzzzz...")

("Evelyn you are grounded.")

(Dad!)

(Leia played Bumblebee's name)

("Beep-boop-beep-beebee-boop-beeeeeeee")

(Now he twitches whenever Leia is around)

#Rule# 149: If you value your life, then don't put a sticker that says 'small but dangerous' on Mom's back

(You're asking for a funeral to happen)

(And it ain't gonna be Mom's)

#Rule# 150: Do not name the lie detector 'Gay detector'

(How many mechs glared at me?)

(Well let's see)

(There's Sunny, Sides, Blurr, Jolt, Springer, Hot Rod, Jazz and Dad)

(Dad is a good liar, right dad?)

("No more strawberry milk shake.")

(Emo mode engage)

#Rule# 151: If you are riding in any of the Autobots, keep any cream substances sealed shut

(We were going to the beach on one summer day)

(Dad wasn't pleased when I accidentally spilled it on his shift stick)

(Mom cleaned it)

(The next thing happened)

(Dad shivered)

(Mom giggled)

(Leia and I fainted)

(Ratchet was not impressed at them)

#Rule# 152: Please tell **Ratchet, Red Alert, First Aid, and Optimus** that you are getting a tattoo

(Otherwise, whatever body part that has a tattoo on it)

(Is gonna hurt like hell)

(Because Ratchet is gonna use laser to remove it)

(No anesthesia added)

(As punishment)

(My scream pretty much echoed the whole base)

(I was in emo mode for a week)

#Rule# 153: Never EVER take Koko's bacon

(Red Alert and Ratchet took them away)

(Apparently, that wasn't a smart thing to do)

(Koko screeched and cried very loud)

(The bots wondered if she really is a teenager)

(I only said this)

("Koko is a young Asian girl that never grows up!")

(Koko screeched again)

(On my ear)

(Ow...)

#Rule# 154: Never introduce to Jolt the 'lol cat' pictures

(He'll make his own Lol pics)

(He pictured Dad talking to General Morshower)

(Then he added 'I sayz burger, U sayz lol' on the picture)

(Dad was not impressed)

(He did one on Ironhide)

(It says 'I haz things dat go boom')

(Ironhide was very not impressed)

(Lastly he got Ratchet)

('Me seez U, me whacks U')

(He was stuck on the ceiling for a few days)

#Rule# 155: Same goes for Leia

(Though she did made one for Prowl)

('I haz brainz')

(So far, that makes...603 times Prowl glitched out because of Leia)

* * *

**Alright I got back to this guidelines, I really missed it and now my muse is getting back up! Hope you guys liked this! ^_^**


	10. Chapter 10

**Once again, my brain has been acting up again! The writer's block is disappearing! Yay! Here is another list of rules! List 10! I once again wanted to thank some of the reviewers that suggested some rules. Thanks guys!**

* * *

Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST CH 10

#Rule# 156: Potter Puppet Pals

(Apparently I made Red Alert fainted again when I tried doing the wizard angst)

("Angst! Angst! Angst! Angst! Angst!")

(I kept saying that while I was banging my head on Dad's desk)

(Dad was too shock to stop me)

(I felt really sleepy after an hour)

(Ratchet is using tranquilizer guns now)

(He says it's safe)

(But I say it's 'UN' safe)

#Rule# 157: Never question about Ratchet's cabinet in his med bay

(That's where he keeps his secret stash of high grade)

(I know)

(Because I took some)

("EVELYN!")

#Rule# 158: Do not ask why Ramrod's voice in the TV cartoon series 'Saber Riders' sounds a lot like Dad's (Optimus)

(Up to this day)

(We're still confused as to why their voices are the same)

(Ramrod's voice actor, remains a mystery)

#Rule# 159: If you see something VERY suspicious, IGNORE IT

(You old bots should know that Koko and Amanda are pro pranksters)

(Is a giant bucket of paint in the middle of the hangar not suspicious to you?)

(Dad, it's your fault why your hanging in the ceiling, covered in pink paint with glitters)

("Yes I know my dear daughter, now will you please put me down from here.")

(I left him there for a few hours as punishment)

#Rule# 160: Never dare the bots to watch the full edition of Nyan Pop Tarts

(I feel sorry for Perceptor)

(He glitched out after an hour of hearing Leia sing that song)

(Even Ratchet was shocked, now he's on full alert on Leia)

("Nyan-nyanyan-nyan-nyan-nyanyanyan.")

#Rule# 161: If your brain cannot absorb that much knowledge from Perceptor, then do not ask him to explain

(Even Dad was having a hard time absorbing but he was able to get it all in)

(Ratchet was able understand him, duh!)

(Mom, surprisingly understood him)

(Me, half of it)

(The Lambo twin, not so much)

(Chevy twins, don't ask)

#Rule# 162: Never say the following randomly

"I won two pounds of fat!" (Amanda did not realize that her mate is behind her) (Ratchet looks huffy)

"My ass says fuck me, while my dick says fuck you!" (Sam) (*sniff sniff* Sam did you drink my milk shake?)

"I like my hotdogs BIG and HARD." (Mom for the love of Primus! I do not want to hear about Dad's *BEEP*) (I failed to notice that Dad is behind me) (I only did when I heard a loud bang behind me) (Yep, Dad's out cold) (Again)

"How much is that nice aft?" (I think I saw Ratchet blush after Amanda said that)

"I'm pregnant!" (Jazz fainted when I said that) (Dad's in beast mode again) (Did I forgot to tell you that I was lying?)

"Pants! Ass! Testicles! Penis! All in one package!" (Uncle Roy)

"Wrenches are like metal dildos for me." (Wow Amanda) (How many times have you made Ratchet pissy?)

"May the force be with you." (Jazz and Blurr can't let that go ever since they watched the Star Wars again for the 300th time) (That became the quote before leaving on a mission)

#Rule# 163: If you see Koko and Leia has a look that they are about to ask something, leave the premises as fast as you can

(You bots should know very well that they are bad news!)

#Rule# 164: Trampoline is to be used with supervision

(Sure it's fun and all)

(But when something BAD happens)

(Prepare a pair of ear plugs)

(Because Ratchet will lecture you nonstop)

#Rule# 165: When in doubt, do not lie to the bots

(They have a good nose)

(Especially Ratchet)

#Rule# 166: Dad's file room is never to be questioned.

(I found a bunch of pictures of Mom)

(Apparently those pictures shows that she was taking a bathe)

(I didn't know Dad was a peeping tom before)

(o.O)

#Rule# 167: Never tweak the bot's holoform

(The Lambo twins had fun with this)

(Ratchet was wondering why the female soldiers are snickering at him)

(He soon found out that he was naked)

(Amanda drooled a lot)

(Same thing happened to Bumblebee)

(I didn't know his 'cybertronian play rod' was huge)

(I think Leia fainted)

#Rule# 168: Never say the following when in a meeting

*'Did you hit your head again? Of course it's pink!'* (Nice going Sam) (You pissed Mom) (Again)

*'How come pants is not included? There should be pants involve! If not pants then Angela's panties! They look more like pants than average panties!'* (Uncle Roy disappeared again)

*'It's jiggling!'*

*'Bacon strips'* (Ratchet twitches whenever bacon is mentioned)

*'I have so much balls right now, I can't stop thinking of a hole'*

*'If I put the molecule on experiment A and penetrate experiment B, what would experiment C look like?'* (I made Ratchet glitched out)

(Thankfully General Morshower doesn't take our jokes seriously, unlike some bots)

#Rule# 169: The 'dizzy game' is never to be played in the base ever again

(Leia and I like to play that game a lot)

(Though puking on Dad's foot was fun)

(He looked huffy)

#Rule# 170: Never quote 'Evolution' randomly

*'All she needs is a good humping.'* (Jazz flips Sides the bird)

*Sam! I think we've established that "Ca-caw, ca-caw" and "Tookie, tookie" don't work.'* (Though it was funny watching him do that) (With arms flapping like a bird)

*'There's always time for lubricant!'*

*'It's headed for his testicles.'* (Glenn panicked and ran around the base until he fainted on the ground)

*'I've seen this movie, the black dude dies first. _You_ snag it'* (Will and Epps having their pep talk)

*'Forget the foreplay. We just got screwed!'*

(Will and Epps got new nicknames now)

* * *

**Sorry if that's all there is! I was getting a lot of writer's block! Hope you guys like the new list! Please review! X3**


	11. Chapter 11

Once again, my brain has been acting up again! The writer's block is disappearing! Yay! Here is another list of rules! List 10! I mean 11! I once again wanted to thank some of the reviewers that suggested some rules. Thanks guys!

* * *

Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST CH 11

* * *

#Rule# 171: Bring Koko to a meeting next time

(She cried when she found out that Sam and Amanda got in the meeting)

(Cry baby)

("Evelyn!")

(Running away!)

#Rule# 171: After what happened from the above rule, **NEVER **bring Koko to a meeting next time

(I take it back)

(All of us had to look very stupid to stop General Morshower from sitting down on his chair)

(That chair is prank toxic!)

(Seriously Koko! Why do you have to try and prank HIM of all people!)

(Dad was able to remove the whoopee cushion while I was distracting the General)

(Dad you really are a hero!)

("Yes thank you, now will you please, Evelyn. Put me down from here.")

(I left him hanging in the ceiling again while painted with glittery pink)

(He never learns)

#Rule# 172: Never encourage the bots to play with Chinese Finger Trap

(But it was fun watching Ratchet and Ironhide trying to remove their finger)

(Koko fainted when we saw them accidentally kiss each other)

(On the lips mind you)

#Rule# 173: one tequila, two tequila, three tequila...floor!

(Me, Sam, Leo, and Simmons)

(Guess who won?)

(Simmons)

(I was second place)

(Then Leo)

(And lastly Sam)

(He took one shot of tequila and met the floor)

#Rule# 174: Dad (Optimus) and flying squirrels, do not mix

(He also has phobia on flying squirrels)

(Yes, he hates flying squirrels)

(How we found that out?)

(Leia should be thanked for that one)

("Daddy! Lookie! A flying squirrel!")

(She points at it in the sky, the poor little squirrel landed on his face and was screeching very loudly.

(The poor little furball made Dad lose his manliness)

(That was the first time I saw him scream like a real femme that time)

(A very high pitch scream)

(I pissed my pants for laughing very hard)

#Rule# 175: Never do the following on the stairs

(But we all had fun with it)

-Never use a mattress for sledding on the stairs (But it was fun!) (Ratchet, not so happy!)

-Never put a sign on the very last step at the top, that says 'Skip on this step, and you will lose the ability to interface' (Ironhide was caught by the prank, and he fell down the stairs)

-Never coat it with oil (Yeah...how many bots slipped and fell down the stairs?) (Covered in oil?)

-Never say 'falling up the stairs' (No one got it) (Though the Chevy twins did try it, and I will tell you now.) (I broke a metal rib from laughing)

-Do not make a 'ping' sound and say '(bot's name) is going up/down the stairs' whenever someone uses the stairs (No one uses the stairs for months) (Or even clean it)

(Dad's requesting for an elevator)

(He made sure that Wheeljack is off the list of people to make it)

#Rule# 176: Never **EVER** call Inferno, a pedophile.

(He leaves the base and never comes back for two months)

(Red Alert keeps blaming me)

(I was again in emo mode)

#Rule# 177: Two words 'Cock fight!'

(It's where two roosters fight to the death)

(This is how we know who's a pervert or not)

(A lot of mechs are perverts, even Dad)

(Dad...I'm ashamed of you)

(He glared at me)

(Make that double death glare with Ironhide)

#Rule# 178: "Jergen's lotion leaves my hands silky smooth."

(Okay so maybe that whole lotion thing may have gone too far)

(Because Breakaway's been asking for more lotion)

(We have no idea what he's going to use it for, **NOR **do we want to know)

(Dad thought he could use that quote for Mom)

(He said it while wriggling his mechanical brows on her)

(Mom giggled and said "I think I should try it on your shift stick.")

(Ewwww...)

#Rule# 179: Never say "It was so hot in Central Park today, I saw a squirrel rubbing sunblock on his nuts" on a really hot day

(Again with the squirrel, though this time, it involves his nuts)

(I saw Dad's optics twitch violently)

(That quote never cease to amuse me)

(Even though I was being scolded by Dad)

#Rule# 180: Because of 'Rule 174' and 'Rule 179', do **NOT** shout "Squirrel!" whenever Dad is nearby

(Did you ever forget that he's upgraded his weapons?)

(Poor Jazz and Hot Rod)

(Now he's preaching that squirrels are a threat to Cybertronians)

#Rule# 181: Pole dancing is not allowed in the Base

(Mom was good at it)

(Dad was somewhat regretting making this rule)

#Rule# 182: The fire extinguisher is not an object to use for entertainment

(Leia and I were covered with foam after we had fun with them)

(Breakaway thought we were a pile lotion)

(Thankfully Ironhide was there to tackle him on the ground before he could grab us and use it for...whatever he does with it)

(Because of this rule, lotions are never to be shown or given to Breakaway)

#Rule# 183: Never quote any 'Duke Nukem' games

*'Damn, those alien bastards are gonna pay for shooting up my ride.'*

*'Guess again, freakshow. I'm coming back to town, and the last thing that's gonna go through your mind before you die... is my size- 13 boot!'* (Epps versus a bunch of cockroaches)

*'Hmm, don't have time to play with myself.'* (I nearly choke on my drink when Jazz said that)

*'I like a good cigar...and a bad woman...'* (Dad to Mom) (Mom was never a good woman when you piss her off) ("Evelyn!")

*'My cannon, your face; the perfect couple.'* (Chromia) (Ironhide felt really proud for her) (No wonder why he likes her)

*'My name is Angela - and I'm coming to get the rest of you Decepticon bastards!'* (Never mess a woman's bad hair day) (Decepticons beware)

*'Nobody steals our femmes... and lives!'* (Sideswipe said that) (Even though he's still single)

*'You're an inspiration for birth control.'* (Me to Prowl) (He was not amused as usual)

*'I'm your worst nightmare, you uninvited Decepticon scum-sucker! And right now you're all that stands between me and a planet full of femmes - so get ready to bend over and kiss your aft goodbye!'* (Hot Rod)

*'I like big guns, and I cannot lie.'* (Ironhide) (That's his new slogan by the way)

*'Someone's gonna pay for making me find these fraggin' key cards...'* (Prowl suggested to have our rooms to be more secured, so he asked Perceptor's help in making that key card scanner on our rooms) (Now we need key cards to enter our rooms) (I hate key cards after I lost mine)

*'Surprise, surprise, I need a keycard.'* (I lost it again)

*'You wanna touch it, don't you?'* (Mom to Dad while pointing at her chest) (Oh Dad) (I will never regret saying that you are a pervy mech when it comes to Mom) (What was that Dad? You're throwing me your death glares again?) (I only got a glare)

(Aaaand there's more, but I'm too lazy to write them!)

#Rule# 184: 'Duke Nukem' games are now banned in the Base

(Thanks to those people who kept on quoting the game)

(This came up)

(I was really pissed that I could not finish the game)

(I was already on the last level!)

#Rule# 185: Always remember that, pain, is not a joke and never will be when it comes to the medics

(Especially Ratchet)

#Rule# 186: Once again, **DO** not let any bots make Facebook accounts

(How many times do I have to repeat myself?)

(We're keeping a low profile here you bots!)

(Same goes for MySpace and Twitter!)

(Dad, Ratchet and Ironhide made an account because they're curious)

(RednBlue_PeaceLeader, 99Wrenches_of_Terror, and Cannon-2-Face_24-7)

(At least their accounts are more suitable for them)

* * *

**Yay! Update! Please REVIEW thanks for reading and toodles!**


	12. Chapter 12

**List 12 is here baby! I once again wanted to thank some of the reviewers that suggested some rules. Thanks guys! I also do wanted to thank my brothers for giving me inspiration, like quoting their personal quotes ^_^ So without further ado!**

* * *

Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST CH 12

* * *

#Rule# 187: Leia's love for buttons is never to be questioned

(That will only make her love buttons more)

(Even if that button will result the end of the world)

(She is now Wheeljack's and Que's inspiration)

#Rule# 188: "Bacon is for your insanity"

(And to ours)

(Much to Ratchet's dismay)

#Rule# 189: Stop saying any more sexual jokes!

(Mom's forte to getting Dad on the berth)

(Or anywhere else on that matter)

*'It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins'* (Me to both set of twins)

*'The best sex education for kids is when Daddy pats Mommy on the fanny when he comes home from work.'* (Gee wheez did I say that?) (I guess I did) (Cuz Dad and Will are looking to me with a very bad aura)

*'Against diseases here the strongest fence. Is the defensive virtue, Abstinence.'* (Amanda, I don't think Ratchet thinks the same way as you do) (Because he's twitching badly again)

*'Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.'* (Errr...right Mom, thanks for the hint) ("Evelyn, look at me and your father, we had you before we got married.") (I could not reply to that) (I was too shock to reply to her)

*'Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure!'* (Me to Sam) (Yeah sure Sam, flipping the bird at me makes my theory more proven than before.) (That also includes curses and swears, both human and Cybertronian swears)

*'Sex relieves tension." (Mom) 'Love causes it.'* (I nearly banged my head on Dad's dashboard when he followed it with that) (Why is it whenever we go out on a family trip, I have to suffer from hearing their conversation?)

#Rule# 190**: **Nachos are best eaten whenever Brains is not around

(That little nacho maniac)

(He ate all the nachos in the Base)

(Even my secret stash ones)

("Yummy nachos from Lyn." Brains)

#Rule# 191: No matter what the circumstances are, do not enter Wheeljack's or Que's lab

(Even if it is an emergency)

(Otherwise)

(You're going to have another arm)

#Rule# 192: Ultra Magnus is not Dad's (Optimus) twin brother, just because he's also a Peterbuilt semi truck and has the same flamed paint job

(So stop asking if he's Dad's twin brother Simmons!)

("What if he's a clone?" Simmons)

(Ultra Magnus and I face palmed)

#Rule# 193: Never sing the 'Spider Pig' theme song to Dino

(Leia now calls him Spider Pig)

(Dino gave me no mercy whenever we spar)

#Rule# 194: Never, I repeat, never, tell the Autobots that the "Grow Your Own" animals, has magic properties

(Sideswipe and Sunstreaker believed me)

(They bought their own)

(I laughed when Sunny showed his 'animal' to Ironhide and says)

("See this! This lil' animal will turn you to a femme!" Sunny)

(Ironhide watched at it for hours until nothing happened)

(I laughed even harder when he was twisting and turning the thing in front of Hide)

#Rule# 195: Never make screeching sounds and then twitch your eye violently whenever Galloway is around

(That will not make him notice that he was being an asshole again)

(Trust me Leia)

(I've tried it so many times)

("Aww..." Leia)

(But Ultra Magnus and Lennox were snickering behind Galloway)

#Rule# 196: Just because Leia's alt mode is a badass blaster, don't use her as a weapon!

(My little sister is not a weapon!)

("But ya used her once." Jazz)

(I flipped the bird on him)

#Rule# 197: Do not start with the animal jokes!

(Koko just had to do it on Dad and everyone else)

*'Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.'* (Koko said this to Dad and Ratchet) (As well as the other bots) (Dad and Ironhide immediately and strongly disagrees with this) (Dad still thinks that squirrels are little assassins from the Decepticons) (Ironhide still cringes whenever Mojo and this joke pops into his head)

*'There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.'* (Koko said this to Sides') (He decided to get a puppy and put in somewhere in Ratchet's med-bay) (Lick to the face by a puppy when Ratchet opened his tool box) (Amanda was with us that time) ("Sides'...he does not need to see a psychiatrist!" Amanda) (Koko and Sides snickered while I face palmed) (Amanda got her revenge)

*'A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue'* (Surprisingly) (Sam said that) (We all looked at him strangely while Koko was confused) (Ratchet immediately cut me off when I was about to explain her) ("Don't even think of explaining it to her, I don't need her in my med bay." Ratchet) (The way he wields that wrench of his made me shut up instantly)

*'Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.'* (I said this to Jolt) (And it was a bad mistake) (Because he brought in a couple of animals in the base) (And he calls them his friends)

*'You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.'* (Mom glared at Sam after he told this to Dad)

(Now, the government thinks were going against Animal Rights)

#Rule# 198: NEVER BRING A SQUIRREL IN THE BASE

(Just one word and Dad will go into beast mode)

(Koko overlooked that rule)

(She walks towards me and Dad with a fur hat)

("What kind of hat is that?" Dad)

(Koko was about to say something when all of a sudden the so called fur hat)

(Moved and chittered)

(Before Dad and I could react, the squirrel leaps from Koko's head to Dad's face)

(Dad's high pitched noise is still ringing on my audio receivers)

#Rule# 199: To all Autobots, If you wind up on some website where it is saying "you've won this free (insert name of item here" it is too good to be true

(Almost all of the bots understood me)

(The Chevy twins never listens)

(I was very pissed to find out that my laptop had a virus)

(I pointed up at the ceiling when Dad asked where they are, he looks up to see them welded on the ceiling and no limbs)

#Rule# 200: In addition to showing a bot 'lol cat' pictures, Breakaway is now on the list.

(Breakaway pictured a lotion bottle)

("I haz silky smooth handz")

(Ratchet blames me for making him addicted to lotion)

(Not my fault he asked me what a lotion looks like!)

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**Yay! Update! Please REVIEW thanks for reading and toodles!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Booyah! The 13****th**** list of Evelyn's Guidelines! I would like to thank you reviewers for giving me ideas! We also have a new reviewer and her name is Luna Prime- Awesomeness! Thanks for the fave and reviews! ^u^ Now on to list 13!**

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Evelyn's Guidelines when living in NEST list 13

* * *

#Rule# 201: Don't imitate the game Katamari Damacy

(Okay so it's a game that starts from a tiny ball and you, the tiny prince of cosmos or something, roll around objects from small to huge ones, the more you roll the bigger the ball becomes!)

(Even as big as us Autobots)

(I wrote this rule after I was rolled by the Katamari ball)

("Whose idea was this again?" Lennox looks at me after the stress and panic dissipated)

("You know who it is.")

#Rule# 202: Same goes for the game Angry Birds

(But it was kinda reassuring that Jolt cared about the chickens)

(Or maybe too caring)

(He fainted when roasted chicken is served for dinner)

#Rule# 203: If you are going out for a drive, never go to a gentlemen's club!

(I have never seen Sunny hook up with so many strippers one night)

(Sides was sulking in the corner)

(Beyonce should write a song about single dudes)

#Rule# 204: To all the Autobots, do not 'borrow' any human's credit cards to buy things

(Epps was sulking at the corner with a very long bill in his hand)

(While the Lambo twins got bling blings)

#Rule# 205: Humans, do not tell the Autobots horror stories

(Even if it is funny to see Red Alert to start freaking out)

(Amanda, you are not an exception)

(Especially you Leia)

#Rule# 206: Never insult Jolt only because he doesn't show up in a lot of battles

(Teasing about his name by rhyming the name of his alt mode 'Volt', is also included)

(Besides, he got better things to do than fight)

("What?" Jolt)

("Oh nothing")

#Rule# 207: If you don't want to hear loud schreeches and high pitched cries. Do not, I repeat, do not interfere Koko's love for bacon

(If you're willing to hear her)

(Then don't follow this rule)

(But don't blame me about your audio receivers being damaged)

(Blame your stupidity)

#Rule# 208: Koko and Amanda will get their revenge…no matter what

(And their revenge)

(Is always served…ICE COLD)

(Don't believe me? Ask Sam, Lennox, The Lambo twins and Dad)

#Rule# 209: Cosplay is not allowed on Base…at ALL

(Koko cosplayed as some pink haired girl)

(Autobots thought it was an intruder)

(All the femmes beat up the mechs when they made Leia and Koko cry...)

(Koko is still shooting Sideswipe glares)

("That wig was expensive fragger!" Koko)

("Fwagger" Leia)

(Run Koko! Run! Mom's right behind you!)

#Rule# 210: When Mom fights against Megatron with Dad, never let her say the following:

"Megatron, you're just jealous that your brother's Cybertronian playrod is bigger than yours."

"Well, **THAT** was a turn on." (After Dad shot his cannon) (She was licking her lips too)

"Optimus! I'm pregnant! With your brother's child!" (Dad fainted...as did Megatron.)

"After this, I better get a million overloads!" (Dad chuckled. Mom giggled. I was still covering Leia's audios whenever we walked by their room THREE DAYS afterwards!)

"Seeing the look that Starscream is giving you, Megatron, I'm wondering if you threatened the US government into passing the Bi-Sexual Marriage bill."(His optics looked like they were about to pop right out of their sockets!)

"SQUIRREL!" (BOTH Dad AND Megatron screamed...then fainted AGAIN...I'm starting to think that hating/being scared of squirrels is hereditary)

"That was almost as cool as the first time that we interfaced." (After Dad punched Megatron. HARD. He landed 92.7 feet away. We were all impressed. I guess that the moans coming from their room afterwards were impressive, too.)

#Rule# 211: Don't do the game Chubby Bunny

(It's a game were you stuff marshmallows in your mouth as much as you can and can still say 'Chubby bunny')

(Ratchet wondered where all the cotton balls went)

(He turns around and saw Sides and Sunny had their mouths stuffed)

("Chubby Bunny!" Sunny)

("CMLFH!" Sides)

(Wow….that was the first time Sunny actually had won)

(I was almost impressed by him, if it weren't for the wrench being smacked at his helm)

#Rule# 212: Never put up a poster that says 'Paint anything that is blue, with pink to repel bad spirits'

(Dad woke up and saw that his armor had small pink paint handprints all over)

("Yay! Now there won't be bad spirits anymore!" Leia was sitting beside him with her hands covered in paint)

(Even Que was painted too)

(Actually, I think all of the bots who had blue armor)

#Rule# 213: Don't make a fuss about giant squirrels conquering the world on 2012

(Unless you are trying to give Dad a spark attack)

(And make Mom piss as hell again)

(Then it's your grave)

#Rule# 214: Do not make a troll face in front of Ultra Magnus, even if it is as funny as hell

(Now we know he could scream like that)

(Thanks to Sunny)

#Rule# 215: If you come across a slate that says 'Come Street' or 'Rod Ave', expect to see Omega Supreme's 'you know what' as the pole.

(Arcee and I became horrified when we danced on that pole)

(While we were dancing we heard a moan)

(Omega Supreme is not allowed to transform in the base)

(Nor is he allowed to take an alt form of a neighborhood)

#Rule# 216: Follow the Rules

(Why is something so simple to read but so hard to follow?)

("Speak for yourself." Optimus)

(Oookaaay Dad…that's too specific)

#Rule# 217: Don't perform the Budweiser commercial behind Galloway

(Me, Sam, Amanda, and Lennox shouted 'WAZZUP' behind Galloway)

(He pissed pants that time)

(The other time he shit his pants when Skids, Mudflap and Jolt did it behind him)

(Now he's more paranoid than before)

(Dad was not impressed)

#Rule# 218: Never do the robot

(Old bots never gonna understand it)

(Leia's good at it)

(The Chevy twins suck at it)

(I pissed myself from laughing)

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**Thank you for reading! I appreciate all your suggestions and your reviews! XD**


	14. SAVE OUR FICS!

Protect our right to write and read what we want. Sign the petition at:

www. change .og /petitions / fanfiction - net - stop - the - destruction - of - fanfiction - net

Take out the spaces, add a r between the o and g, and plase sign. Pass this on.


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